Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
