The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
