Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
