I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
