Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
