Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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