I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
