You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
It's rum buckets o'clock
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
