I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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