Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I haven't been this sober since birth.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
