Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
