shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
