Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
