no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
