He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
