Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
