See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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