do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
