the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
