they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
