i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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