You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
