she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
