I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
