you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
