I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
