Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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