It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
