I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
