The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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