they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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