If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Randomize
