Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I skipped work to stalk him.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
