My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
