nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so let's talk penis.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
