We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
