i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
