Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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