Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You made out with two different species that night
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
