I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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