I want to make a zoo with you.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
