This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
