it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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