We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
