my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
