She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
