all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
This is my gift to your gina
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
