Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
