he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
