Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I don't deserve a penis
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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