he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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